Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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