he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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