Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
