If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
