He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We have started to decorate penises.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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