moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
