I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
