Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
