Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
