So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
