Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
