Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
