So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
