How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
