They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
