I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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