I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
