I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
