So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
