im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
