I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
