if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
