Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
