You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
