I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
