and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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