just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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