i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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