how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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