Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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