i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
