Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
