Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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