You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
