first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
