it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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