need another drink. this is the easiest way
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
