i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
