went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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