We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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