I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
