Kiss
Puke
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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