I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
