I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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