I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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