I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
