I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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