We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
