All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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