shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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