Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
