There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
