I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
