She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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