ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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