so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
