The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
