I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
