i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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