I think im going to throw up on grandma
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
