So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
