i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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