Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
