I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
