D3 body, D1 cock
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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