That's when you crack a 10am beer
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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