I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize