Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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